even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
