who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
