im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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