I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
