I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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