my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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