I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
a search helicopter?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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