Soap is not a condiment
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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