No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
