the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
