This dress was meant to end up on your floor
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
