i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
