I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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