I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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