You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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