mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
