just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
