the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
