Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
