too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
