you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
