please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
