you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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