Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
