Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
