BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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