none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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