Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
