i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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