You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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