Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
