when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
