Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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