Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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