i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
