he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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