yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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