I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
