Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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