I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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