ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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