yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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