Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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