Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
