I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
