Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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