Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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