I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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