I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
