Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're my little dorito
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
