You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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