you guys were way drunker than both of me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
