I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
